Been Busy

In case all of you haven't noticed, I have had an insanely busy summer. See, summer is not my favorite season. I often have a hard time in summer (i know, I know...crazy) so each summer I take a different approach to conquer the beast of heat and sometimes my sadness. This summer, my attempt to "keep busy" sort of exploded in my face and I have been out of town for the last 5 weekends in a row. Excuse me, 4 weeks-last Friday I slept in my own bed, but was gone again Saturday night. But it has been okay.

Something about the heat and nostalgia makes me a little crazy. I typically move through my life looking forward to certain events-maybe we all do this, or at least some of you. When Memorial Day comes, I set my eye on 4th of July. Then that passes and the next big thing is my birthday(August 4th). As I look forward to Labor Day, the sound of the end of summer (you know, those buzzing bugs that scream into the humid thick blue sky that looks down on our city) gets louder and more present. I start to think back to lifetimes ago, when I was ten-covered in mosquito bites, so scratched and clawed at, the blood from the scabs dried down my leg and onto my new school sneakers-red converse high tops. I'd ride my busted up bmx bike through the neighborhood, wanting to understand the life I was living, but aware that that didn't mean unlocking some magical door. It just wanted to know what exactly it meant to be someone in my shoes. But more importantly, there was that feeling like it would never end. Not just summer, not just being 10, but everything that I knew to be my life.

I spent the first several years of my life trying to figure myself out (who am I kidding, that is STILL what I spend my time doing.) I explored a lot as a child. I was the youngest, and I was a girl, but I sure thought I could be just like my older brother. He felt differently. I started riding my bike all the time (just like him) and often took his clothes without him knowing and wore them to school. I also spent a lot of time climbing in trees, picking scabs and (believe it or not) trying to be cool. I stole smokes from my parents, who "secretly" smoked. I started skateboarding and even had a tag name (first Winston, because those are the smokes I stole from my Ma, and then Ask, because I was constantly talking-mainly asking questions around that age.) And while I have aged a lot, most of those ideas, those little parts of me that make me me, still shine bright. I like to think of these things are the gifts I bring to the world. Like I said, I'm still figuring out all the little things that make me the way I am. Of course I'm pretty sure of the main things that make me tick. Of course there are little things that not many people know about me. But there are still times when I do stuff and after the fact wonder, "what the hell am I doing?" While this happens throughout the year, it definitely happens more in the summer, and again, it is one of those things I'm still trying to figure out. But this summer, this summer has been pretty great. Yes, I have been crazy busy, but I think all the things I did were pretty awesome. I think this summer was slightly different in that I was so busy, i didn't have a chance to get all in my head and start looking back and getting emotional and wondering where I am going and so on and so forth. I feel like the direction I am going makes sense and is what I want it to be. I have found people(and pugs, if you will ) I want to spend my time with. I feel like I'm on a path I'm not only comfortable with, I'm proud of and want to share to everyone I meet. Many of you people are a big part of that, so thank you. Seriously, I am here because of you.

okay, enough sap, how about some reflection? Let's just recap on the summer so far, shall we? I went to a few different lakes and swam, went camping (just once, but that's okay) visited MKE twice, hit up Chicago, spent a weekend at a cabin, celebrated my gayness, saw a few great shows(including HEART-a life long dream), rode my bike...A LOT, got 2 tattoos, saw 2 sets of friends celebrate their love (via wedding and ring tattoo ceremony/dinner) went to the dog park, farmers market, and a few movies, watched fireworks, set off fireworks, enjoyed more than one tornado warning/crazy storm, met a few new friends, enjoyed time with old ones, turned 27 and am about to go to my favorite vacation spot of all times and spend time with my family. This summer really has been great. And we still have a few weeks left! Enjoy those last weeks, folks!